Communication Basics - Interpersonal Communication Skills 101
Updated: Jan 2
Communication is your most powerful tool to create the impact you desire.
How can you start fully using this power to your advantage?
In my experience as a communication strategist and coach, I have seen many people who were doing amazing things, but they were not seen because they didn’t know how to present their successes. I made it my mission in life to help them create a winning communication strategy and boost their confidence.
Today, we will talk about why communication is so powerful, then I’ll introduce you to the communication model I created that will help us understand communication basics.
Now I am a communication strategist. And I am very passionate about communication. Because communication is super powerful.
Most people don’t realize how powerful communication can be. Yet, communication has the power to change lives.
Often times, it’s a short moment. Think about your experiences. Can you recall a moment an interaction? A conversation that marked your entire life? It might have been a teacher, your parent, or a random stranger. Maybe they told you something that stayed with you and changed your life.
That’s how powerful communication is. Now, you need to realize one thing. You too have this power to change lives in your interactions. It’s not just the others, it's you too. You’re an awesome charming communicator and your communication is powerful. It’s what will take you far in life.
Now there are many people who see communication as a transaction. I want this, you want that – that’s it. And that way they miss out on this tremendous opportunity to make an impact.
Because communication actually is an exchange of feelings, emotions, visions, ideas. And once you realize this, you will start communicating with impact.
What if you see your communication as an opportunity to create a positive experience for your audience and make a lasting impression? Then, so many opportunities will start opening to you.
Your communication has the power to unlock your career and business success. It’s key to great relationships, and it's key to making an impact in the world. Communication is the door to a whole new world of opportunities, connections, and fulfilling life. – Will you open that door?
And there’s a famous quote from Maya Angelou: People will forget what you said and did but they always remember how you made them feel. And that’s the impact we’re talking about here.
Communication charm is here for you to teach you the right mindset, give you the strategies and tools you need to make a positive impact with every communication.
So in order to be a charming communicator, we need to become conscious of the feelings we want to inspire in our audience. And that brings me to the communication model.
This communication model that I created helps us understand how communication actually works and helps us understand communication basics. You can use this model for any type of communication. Be it email, face to face, calls, it doesn’t matter. This communication model simply works.
Now in the future episodes of the podcast, we will be talking about specific tactics, techniques, and models for specific situations. And these models work, or they can work if we understand this basic communication model. Because the content of the message, the formula we will use for this situation is just one of the components in our model, there are 3 others. And for your communication to be successful you need to consider all of them.
So let’s go through them now. There are 4 basic components you need to focus on in any communication. These are Intention, Impact, Message, Listening. IIML
What is the intention? This is your goal in the interaction. So this about knowing what you actually want. So your intention can be to persuade someone, it can be to inspire someone, it can be to inform someone, or it can be to establish relationships. So it’s really important to know what your intention or goal for this interaction is.
Now, one thing is super important, and I can’t stress this enough. With your intention, you need to be coming from a positive supportive place for everyone involved. You can't be coming from a negative, outraged, angry place. That isn’t going to serve any kind of situation. If you’re judging the person negatively, they will experience you speaking to them from that energy. And you can use fantastic communication techniques like asking questions, labeling, mirroring, it doesn’t matter, it won’t work because your negative intentions will come through and your audience will sense it. So here I usually get a question from my clients. They ask me: So does this mean that I can’t be giving any developmental feedback to anyone? And the answer is: It depends on your intention. If your intention is to really contribute to the development of your audience and you genuinely feel that your feedback will help them, then, of course, that’s a positive intention and if you’re able to inspire a feeling of care and compassion, your audience might accept this feedback.
All right, so first you need to make sure you know what your intention is and make sure that it’s actually positive. You need to be coming from a place that is positive and loving.
The second part of our model is the impact. This is different from intention. Here, you ask yourself, what is the impact you want to make on your audience. So, what you want them to think, feel, and to do, after your interaction?
Based on that you need to adjust your communication. Now one thing here is super important. You see people associate you with the feelings you produce in them. You want to avoid creating any negative associations with your person. This is super important, charming communicator, because if they have negative associations with you, well, any communication will be very difficult they will not want to collaborate or interact with you.
So how can you make sure that you inspire good feelings in your audience? The first and most important thing is that you need to feel good yourselves. You see feelings are contagious and how you are feeling will come across in the communication. And again, you can use great techniques, you can smile, but if you feel angry, sad, disappointed, that will come across through your body language, your voice, even your words. So you need to feel good first.
So for example, if you want your audience to feel inspired, then you too need to put yourself in an internal state of inspiration, enthusiasm, and confidence. There are many techniques that can help you like mindfulness, visualizations, or you can prime yourself with a song, this also works for many people. Let’s take another example, let’s say you want to give developmental feedback to someone, as we spoke about it a moment ago. So you already know that you need to be coming from a positive loving place. Now, the question is, how you want your audience to feel and how you need to feel yourself to make them feel that way. You will want them to feel like you care about them. This means that you need to put yourself into a state of compassion and show warmth and care. That way your audience will accept your feedback much better.
So that was feeling. You need to be clear on what you want your audience to think, feel, and do. So we spoke about feeling, now let’s talk about thinking and doing.
So let’s say you want to influence your boss to hire a new colleague in the team. So what do you want them to think? Maybe that's necessary. So in your communication, you will use data that will show the ROI of hiring a new colleague. And let’s say you want them to take action quickly, so you will add urgency by saying something like: We need to make a decision by Friday. Because the budget for this quarter ends next week.
OK, so far we talked about intention and impact. Next is the message.
So the message is the content, it’s the words you use. But it’s also much more. Because your body language sends an even stronger message than your words. So the message is verbal and non-verbal. It’s also about the channel you use to communicate. Is it the right channel? Is it the right time for this message?
Charming communicators always make sure that they craft their message in a way that it appeals both to the head and the heart of your audience. This means that if you want to influence someone, you need to use logical rational arguments, and also you need to inspire strong emotions.
In future episodes, we will be talking about messages a lot as we will be discussing different communication models, techniques, and strategies.
And the last component of our communication model is Listening.
There are many people who believe that communication is about speaking or writing. And it certainly is but at least 50% or even more is about listening. You see listening is more than hearing. To be a great communicator, you need to listen with your ears, eyes, and heart.
What does this mean?
Listening with your ears means that you focus only on the conversation. You’re not anywhere else with your thoughts. You also focus on your partner’s voice and tone.
Listening with your eyes means paying attention to the nonverbal cues, such as body language, gestures, facial expressions.
Listening with your heart means that you pay attention to the feelings and emotions of your audience. It means that you see beyond the words that are coming from their mouth. You pay attention to the message that is beyond the words. What do they really want? What are they really saying? Now, this part is super important. Charming communicators have the ability to understand what is beyond the words. And this is so useful. Has it ever happened to you that you were talking with someone and they were saying something but then you realized that what they really meant was something completely different. And you need to be aware of this always. Always ask yourself what is the message beyond the words. Because if not, it's very easy to make incorrect conclusions. In future episodes, I'll teach you techniques to discover the real message beyond the words.
That was our communication model. Remember Intention, Impact, Message, Listening.
Now, I want you to remember 2 more rules:
Rule number 1 is:
Successful communicators focus their communication on their audiences. What does it mean? You need to know “What’s in it from them” – so whatever your goals, whether it’s to influence, to make requests, inspire, you need to make sure that you articulate what’s in it for them. You need to be curious about your audience and adjust your communication to their needs.
Rule number 2 is:
Be interested to be interesting. This is a famous quote from Dale Carnegie and it’s SO true. You can’t make sure that people will like you, that’s up to them. But the most effective and easiest way to make yourself more likable is to like your audience first. This means that you need to be genuinely interested in them, what are their passions? What do they like to talk about? What are their goals? What motivates them? Be interested to be interesting.
So let’s sum up what you learned today:
- Communication is extremely powerful. Your communication has the power to transform your career, your business, your relationships, and your life. Your goal with your communication always needs to be to create a positive experience and make a lasting impression.
- To create a positive impact, we’re using the communication model. The model has 4 components,
- Intention – before any interaction you need to be clear on its purpose. Make sure that your intention is coming from a positive and loving place.
- Impact – What is the impact you want to make on your audience? What do you want them to think, to feel, and to do as a result of your interaction? Remember, that people associate you with the feelings you inspire in them. And feelings are contagious. Therefore, put yourself in a positive state before any interaction.
- Message – You need to pay attention to the words but also the non-verbal part of your communication, as well as the context, the time, and the channel.
- And finally – listening. You need to listen with your ears, eyes, and heart. And as a great communicator, you pay attention to the message beyond the words, what is the conversation really about.
And finally, two rules: Number 1: What’s in it for them? – Always tailor your communication to your audience, their needs, and interests. Number 2: Be interested to be interesting.
Get your copy of 12 Proven Communication Tactics to Make a Positive Impact Immediately at CommunicationCharm.com
Now if you realized that you need one on one help from me then reach out. Head on over to my website CommunicationCharm.com